well, im bored, its the first of dec, well go figure.

at the church countdown yesterday, when everyone counted down on the last 10 secs to the new year, i was really excited. why, cause 2010 will mark the beginnings of civilian life again. yes, ord! so when everyone shouted happy new year, i almost shouted ORD LOH. haha. and when i wanted to type happy new year here, i almost typed ORD LOH. (yes, i’m really that looking forward to it)

well, last week’s sermon called on all of us to recall and give thanks for 2009. whether in good or bad times. my first initial thought was, “lord, 2009 sucked eggs ” but i guess i came to realise, though it was tough, im glad i went through it with a greater sense of closeness to the lord than i had when i entered 2009. so 2010 hopefully will be better but lets hope it isnt as painful. ironically, i cant wait to ord, to hopefully travel overseas and to work and earn some money. hurr. actually i guess im kinda looking forward to a change from working in a military environment, more money on pay day, and a breath of fresh air. so many things to look forward to. david’s wedding dinner, muse, ord, ord, ord ,ord, ord, work,overseas, uni. ord ord (ok you get the drift huh)

well i was kinda stressed and grumpy this morning. why? well, i got home at around 4 am yesterday after the countdown and supper with church friends, i had no plans at all the whole day so i was feeling real restless. the weather was so nice to just laze around at home. but my mind homed in a single thought. how do i get my wisdom extraction dates settled properly? army has blocked off the third week of jan(basket), second week, i cant clash it with david’s wedding dinner, fourth week, too late, it’ll clash with something else. im worried. really. so if any of you reading here would like to help me about it, just pray that god will arrange a fantastic swee date that won’t clash with anything. thanks!

ORD LOH

the funny thing about this struggle is that like what they say, there is a high chance that a relapse will occur and i’ve seen that happen to others. at times like now, when there’s little for me to do and my mind kinda runs wild, i get scared and paranoid, and the void grows. and sometimes, like now, it feels like something is within, caged and wanting to crawl out and consume me. and i know what to do and say a quiet prayer each time. god just take this thing out of me. for it has no place within me.

I think after everything that has happened to me this year, i’ve started to look at activities from a different perspective. To look at the meaning behind things and why we do certain things. I’ve come to realise things like why we shouldn’t spend too much time on things. Well economic sense will tell you that the marginal benefit will out weigh the marginal cost hence why we should limit our activities wisely. That’s true. So i guess in some sense i’ve awoken to that and kinda desire to spend my time more wisely. Like if i over allocate my time on certain things, i’ll feel so shallow and wasted of my time. But i need to enforce myself to do other more meaningful things. But what is meaningful? I guess i’ve defined it as things of an eternal significance and impact. Or to meet someone’s felt need and etc, or when participating in a certain activity, i guess we’ve got to understand the meaning of what we’re doing and stay true to it. Hence i guess the reason for this post and the post before this. I guess, you’ve got to look at the true meaning of christmas. And when i look at everything around, the media especially, and they prance around with different ideas for the season, i guess that’s where i’m upset, in fact sometimes disgusted at how badly distorted the meaning behind this holiday has been perverted. Family and hope, yes they’re good values. Consumerism, nope, not too good. Good or bad, that isn’t the true reason for the season huh? Well i guess regardless of your religious/spiritual convictions, maybe the next time you do something and you look and analyze the meaning behind it, keep the train of thought and analyze the true meaning and definition of christmas as well.

truth in CHRISTmas

Originally uploaded by .samho

so lets not get too self indulged by all the commercial lies and remember why CHRISTmas ever happened eh

rough patches don’t last,

True friends do.

and surely and slowly, my time will come.

The 40percent is being settled on a month to month basis till feb. After that. It’s the other 60. But sometimes, like now, everything is heightened around me. And sometimes, even 60percent of the issue can be overwhelming

 listening to “jack sparrow” from the pirates of the caribbean: the dead man’s chest OST  today still gave me the same goosebumps i had when we played this in the ACSI CPA. really awesome piece and awesome arrangement. i really miss those times. i respect john williams for his work on robin hood, superman, jurrasic park and star wars. but i must say. hans zimmerman is a friggginggggggg GENIUS.

today, i realised something. or rather, i agree with something. that is that in the depths of every single human heart and soul, lies the sin of pride. that’s the truth. for the first sin ever committed was done in pride. and now, its latched onto us from the moment we were born

Almost made a wrong move