when i’m alone on a park bench. walking a lonely journey home.
i close my eyes and pray. and i realise,
i’m certainly not alone. thank you lord for always being here for me:)
you have been throwing crap at me. tossing lies at me. you’ve been so loud in my head, tossing the lies one at a time in the air. trying to drown out the truth that is speaking to me within. the voice of truth that comforts and strengthens. the voice of truth that enlightens. you’ve been pushing me back. inch by inch and now i’m trapped in a corner. barely mustering the strength to lift the shield up to fend off the attacks. at times, i miss the chance to lift up the shield and i end up overwhelmed, tormented by your lies and horrors. but today, i learnt that you fear me. you fear all those reclaimed by the blood of the lamb. today, i take the red pill, i go down the rabbit hole and my eyes are open to the truth. today as i try to block you and your horde’s attacks off, i fumble and feel the sheath of my sword. the lamb has opened my eyes and shown it to me. its been here all along and i didn’t realise its existence cause i was engrossed in your lies. engrossed till i believed. engrossed till i suckered. engrossed in deception. you pushed me into the corner. a deep dark corner whereby i seem to be at my wits end. you have been trying and at times successfully made me cynical and negative about friendship, faith and practically everything around me. but today, this declaration of truth sheds light to all your lies. today, the father, son and holy spirit gave me my sword. gave me my strength. i now pick it up. use this corner you’ve driven me into, to bolster myself up. with the booster from the blood of the lamb, the blood that was a shed for me, i pick myself up. draw my sword. and with all the fury and strength i muster, i swing, i slash. you’ve been served with my eviction notice. get out of my body. get out of my mind. your time is up. i have enough of your lies. i have seen the truth. and i will now certainly join your enemies and trample over you. i have been reclaimed by the blood of the lamb. you don’t own me. you cant have me. i belong to but one master. your lies of my weakness of my worthlessness will hold no power over me anymore. i will now fight and fight hard. with my eyes and ears clear of the truth set before me. to see the army and the almighty king next to me fighting with me. you will never hold me down. i will not be victorious over the battle. i will conquer this war. i will conquer this race and i will win. it will be tiring, it will seem hopeless. but by the grace of god and the promises he has, i will rise up, be bold and be strengthen to crush you and kick your sorry gloomy ass out of my body and back to the abyss where you come from. because i am a child of god. i am wanted, i am precious in his eyes. i am loved. i am beautifully and wonerfully made. you will not have control over me. only the one who has sacrificed and redeemed me will.
and when things are all clear, its frightening how self centred i can sink to. and its not like i dont want to get out of it
its sickening with the swings and the lack of proper sleep. im so tired of everything.
i know this place has been the place for me to throw out alot of my inner feelings that have been brewing. but i really have no choice. i need an outlet and etc. so sorry.
if you guys don’t care then screw this. i might as well just dematerialise and hide away.
its like my thoughts and opinions are sucked up a vaccum and it all seems so useless and meaningless. but i know those are lies. at the end of this vaccum is an understanding ear that listens to all of this crap. so help me out of feeling this way.
it goes up and down. but what is certain is that i just feel so foreign
I AM stronger, I AM stronger,
sin is broken, you have saved me.
it is written, CHRIST has RISEN,
JESUS, you are LORD OF ALL.
its been tamed down relatively and it seems like its back? with a vengence?
upper respiratory tract infection. 2 days attend C!
