frustrated

so many things havent been going well with me. this screw up that screw up. heck, even my dismount on weekends, my day off on weekends, one weekend day a week seems like bull shit. i didn’t really enjoy myself on saturday. particularly at night. and i booked in on sunday feeling like shit. booked out today feeling like shit. can’t think logically, lose sleep, headaches and all that crap. i’m barely hanging on. hanging on only by crying out almost constantly to god in my mind. for friday to come. for friday to work out. for things to prayerfully go my way. i really really need help.

 

and i absolutely can’t take it when people try to ask me how i am in there. and i explain the situation and they shrug all that bullshit i’m going through as nothing much. telling me to suck it up or just to shoot me looks and not even trying to bother  how shitty this fiasco has been for me. i really truely have a taste how a friend of mine felt when he was stuck in guards. the mental battle each day. i really feel you now that i am going through all this shit. and i can’t believe how shitty life can get. i ‘ve got so many complaints and angst stuck inside of me.

 

even now. so much crap pent up inside of me. violent thoughts like smashing glasses, taking a baseball bat and just ramming it repeatedly in my mind follows. screw this shit. even my mp3 doesnt want to co operate with me by connecting to the computer. ARGH. nothing seems to be going well for shit. lets just hope friday doesn’t screw up. if this fails, sigh. i don’t know what action next.