the reason for the silence
well, that’s because this was post 200. and i had intended to make it pensive about life so far in ns. but screw that my life’s been quite depressingly sad and so i won’t be saying much good things eh. another reason is that i havent been going home after booking out but staying at my aunt’s place due to all that h1n1 quarrantine nonsense that has been implemented. yes, and my parents came back from overseas. so my office gave me the option of staying in this hell hole of a depressing place or to book out and go somewhere else other than home. the obvious choice, my aunt’s place.
its quite depressing when you look at the place, the surroundings, and the feeling of claustrophobia comes in. the feeling of being enclosed, your every move watched. the hardest part is that you’ve got nothing to look forward to. this stupid freaking ass of a cycle is self sustaining and repeats its stupid self till i ord. with little rest in between, little MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL rest in between. very little communication with the outside world cause its only going to be so much harder to meet up with people. the difficulty in going church cause i’ll only be going twice a week due to all this shift work nonsense. honestly. i’ve been on the verge of losing in a few times. the frustration and anger whelling up in me when i’m doing duty and i’m frustrated with all this bullshit. having the urge to just thrash up everything around me, smashing the glases, slaming the metal poles. destructive thoughts. thoughts of just running out of camp, running away from this bloody depressing place. just running out. and realising that is the limit of ultimate foolishness. and jsut being frustrated. even at times to tears. i just pray for a reprieve, that i don’t want to see this place at all. this sad ass retarded stupid place. so to any nsfs reading this post, please wake up your stupid ideas, don’t screw up and end up here. its a BAD idea. i’m not in this place, just working in it and i’m already so frustrated and depressed already.
